sarcasmOver the last six months, Iâve attended 18 conferences and heard over 30 keynote sessions, mostly about software development and management. I think I now know all the secrets of a successful keynote speaker. It doesnât look so difficult to become one. Here are my thoughts.
Be obvious! Donât take a chance by suggesting something new. Itâs risky and some people may disagree with you. Thatâs not good. The goal is to have everybody in the room completely agree with what youâre saying. Thatâs how you make a good speech. The audience will be comfortable and relaxed, and you will have no risk of being questioned afterwards. A few safe headline examples: âtrust is very importantâ or âsoftware must be stable.â Everybody will be nodding their headsâthatâs all you need.
Joke! You must make them laugh. You must open with a joke and continue with many of them. Prepare them carefully. Just Google âgood keynote jokesâ and use what smart people recommend. A well-prepared collection of jokes is much more valuable than the content you will be talking about. Nobody will remember the content, but the jokes will definitely be re-tweeted. When a good speaker is talking, the room is laughing every 60 seconds.
Swear! Donât be too formal and boring, show a slide with a picture of a naked butt every once in a while. Everybody will understand that youâre not only a speaker but also a good friend. Also, your language should be rather loose. Pretend youâre talking to a friend over a pint of beer. Remember, the goal is to be funny.
Repeat! Always bring the same content with you, to all conferences. Itâs easier for everybody. First, conference organizers will know for sure what will you be talking about. They can even watch your 4-year-old video-recorded presentation and see exactly what words and slides youâre planning to use. Second, you wonât be nervous, since youâll be saying the same jokes over and over again. Everybody wins.
Kitties! Cute kitties. We all love them! Attach them somehow to your content. It is not really important whether they are related or not. You must show love. Instead of cats you can use a picture of your 2-y.o. daughter or yourself in a primary school. It has to be something sweet and adorable.
Keep talking! A good keynote speech fills the entire 60 minutes, leaving absolutely no time for questions. Actually, a perfect speaker will be interrupted after the 145th slide and will say that if anyone wants to know more, there is always a place near the restroom, letâs go there and continue. Thus, be focused on your slides and try to avoid questions at the endâthey may create a negative impression of you if you mess up answering their questions. They came to listen to you, not to ask questionsâkeep talking.
On a more serious note, Iâm very disappointed by what Iâve seen in almost all conferences so far. These keynote speakers are in most cases just making money, delivering the same âfunâ again and again. They make $2-3K a speech and we, the listeners, get absolutely nothing new out of them.
Conference organizers keep inviting them, just because of the names. And we keep attending that conferences also just because of the names. But do these names really mean anything? I donât think so. These guys are, in most cases, just retired losers with good presentation skills.
It would be much better to spend the money conferences waste on the big-names for training practical speakers from the trenches, with really fresh and interesting content. As far as I understand, conference organizers are just too lazy to do that. Itâs just easier to buy a âprovenâ clown.
Itâs sad.
