# Gluten-Free Management Recipes
Source: https://www.yegor256.com/2017/06/06/gluten-free-management.html
We live in the era of organic food, eco-friendly toilets, zero-emission cars,
and
[harassment-free]({% pst 2017/jul/2017-07-18-sexual-harassment %})
offices. Our management practices have to keep up---they
must be zero-stress, conflict-free, and idiot-friendly. If you're still
stuck in the old carrot-and-stick, mediocrity-intolerant, primitive mentality,
these recipes will open your eyes.
{% jb_picture_body %}
**Be Positive**.
You must remember that keeping people happy
is more important than their results, effectiveness and productivity.
As an organic manager you must never offend your team with any
negativity, finger-pointing, or
[honesty]({% pst 2015/jan/2015-01-05-how-to-be-honest-and-keep-customer %}).
You must think positively and always find a balance somewhere between
"you guys are good" and "you're just fantastic."
You must be their full-hearted ~~clown~~ cheerleader!
Truth hurts and modern management is not about hurting people, it's about
making them happy. You must be a permanent source of good news, funny
stories, and smiles, shielding your ~~slaves~~ people
from the reality and its threats.
{% quote Truth hurts and modern management is not about hurting people, it's about making them happy %}
**Be Politically Correct**.
How many [latinx](https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-people-are-using-the-term-latinx_us_57753328e4b0cc0fa136a159)
are in your team? What about gays and transsexuals?
You're not sure? That's wrong. You have to count. You don't know how to
segregate bi-sexuals from "normal" people and black females from white males?
Well, do the research, there must be some "[mischling tests](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mischling_Test)" you could do.
You have to learn how to count and pay attention to the numbers.
[Uber](https://techcrunch.com/2017/03/28/uber-first-diversity-report/)
and [others](https://techcrunch.com/2017/04/01/krablr-releases-first-diversity-report/)
already do. Diversity, equality, and tolerance: these metrics are
[quickly replacing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKcWu0tsiZM)
outdated performance and productivity
[appraisals]({% pst 2020/jun/2020-06-23-individual-performance-metrics %}).
**Don't Be Reward-Focused**.
[Trotsky](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leon_Trotsky)
[said](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Revolution_Betrayed) in 1937
that people would eventually work not out of greed or poverty, but because
they just enjoy it. He would be happy to see
that his prophesy finally
[came true](https://techbeacon.com/13-ways-motivate-software-engineers):
programmers don't work for money any more.
They [work](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivation#Intrinsic_motivation)
for challenge, respect, curiosity, recognition, cooperation, and free beer
on Fridays. As a modern eco-manager you must stop humiliating them
with old-fashioned
[dollar bills]({% pst 2014/sep/2014-09-24-why-monetary-awards-dont-work %})
and start inspiring them with these
[intrinsic rewards]({% pst 2015/mar/2015-03-02-team-morale-myths-and-reality %})
and free cookies.
You will [save some money]({% pst 2016/dec/2016-12-06-how-to-pay-programmers-less %}) too.
**Be Equal**.
[Holacracy]({% pst 2016/feb/2016-02-18-holacracy-autocracy %})
is quickly replacing military-style management hierarchies, which
proved to be depressing and hurtful to human feelings. Modern managers
don't even like to be called "managers." Instead, they
[demand](https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshlinkner/2014/12/04/the-21-most-creative-job-titles/#2b863a112933)
we call them ambassadors, curators, cheerleaders, and catalysts.
You must be very creative in hiding your actual
career ladder position, in order not to irritate and hurt your team.
Of course, you will still use fear and guilt to keep your
[slaves]({% pst 2015/oct/2015-10-06-how-to-be-good-office-slave %}) under control,
but new eco-titles will help you keep them less aware of what's going on.
{% quote You still use fear and guilt to keep your slaves under control, but new eco-titles help you keep them less aware of what's going on %}
**Be a Leader**.
Traditional [project management]({% pst 2016/may/2016-05-24-who-is-project-manager %})
with its critical path method,
contingency reserves, cause-and-effect diagrams,
work breakdown structures, policies, procedures, and plans, is dead.
[Agile]({% pst 2016/jul/2016-07-11-mistakes-in-agile-manifesto %}),
Scrum, Kanban, and others, are dancing on its grave, with
motivational speeches, burndown rates, sprints,
[standups]({% pst 2015/jan/2015-01-08-morning-standup-meetings %}), and smoothies.
The world doesn't need managers anymore, it needs leaders. And you must be one.
PMBOK and RUP on your bookshelf must be replaced with
Elon Musk and Peter Thiel biographies.
**Be a Committer**.
Not a [Git](https://git-scm.com/)
committer, obviously---that's for junior programmers. You
have to commit yourself to the project, just like Tim Cook
[committed](https://techcrunch.com/2016/12/19/apples-tim-cook-assures-employees-that-it-is-committed-to-the-mac-and-that-great-desktops-are-coming/)
to MacBooks. Technically, this means:
staying in the office till late,
taking no vacations,
wearing a branded t-shirt,
never discussing a salary or any money at all, and
being a proud patriot, no matter how ugly the product is.
In other words, being a
[good slave]({% pst 2015/oct/2015-10-06-how-to-be-good-office-slave %})
and showing your team a good example.
Don't worry about the future, when projects fail good committers
just commit ~~suicide~~ themselves to new projects.
**Be a Friend**.
Explicit and non-ambiguous work orders are not
popular any more---they create tension and destroy
[team morale]({% pst 2015/mar/2015-03-02-team-morale-myths-and-reality %}).
Guilt-driven management is much more subtle and elegant:
you turn your subordinates into a family and then say:
"I count on you as a friend."
Who can refuse a friend? And not even a friend, but a mom. This is
who they will associate you with when the guilt kicks in---with their
mothers. They won't disobey, won't quit, and will never ask for
[more money]({% pst 2016/dec/2016-12-06-how-to-pay-programmers-less %}).
{% quote Don't worry about the future, when projects fail good committers just commit themselves to new projects %}
**Be Responsible**.
In the brick-and-mortar management era responsibility was
[measurable]({% pst 2014/sep/2014-09-24-why-monetary-awards-dont-work %})
by what you earn if you succeed and how you suffer if you fail.
Luckily, the world has recently learned that this
was a mistake we'd been making for
[a hundreds years]({% pst 2016/sep/2016-09-27-command-control-innovate %}).
We don't suffer any more.
Being responsible now means something completely different.
We wear stickers on our MacBooks,
we fall in love with "extremely talented people,"
we participate, engage, celebrate, and champion excellence.
And, of course, now it is
[always]({% pst 2015/nov/2015-11-21-ringelmann-effect-vs-agile %}) "We" instead of "I":
"We are responsible," "It is our project,"
"We can," "Our goal is to do it together!"
Of course, when the project fails you find a new one, with a
[bigger salary]({% pst 2015/jul/2015-07-21-hourly-pay-modern-slavery %})
and a new group of extremely talented people,
and become very responsible again. Nice, huh?
**Be Democratic** (added on 19-Oct-2020).
If in doubt, always call a
[meeting]({% pst 2015/jul/2015-07-13-meetings-are-legalized-robbery %})
and ask _everybody_ to
[vote]({% pst 2019/jan/2019-01-15-what-if-architect-is-wrong %}).
This is the only right way today to make technical decisions without
offending anyone. Our civilization is built on
[democratic principles]({% pst 2016/feb/2016-02-18-holacracy-autocracy %}),
why software projects can't utilize the same idea, right?